Typing from my phone in bed.
I’ve gotten very wrapped up and satisfied with my routine that I have slightly lost sight of other areas of growth. It’s hard balancing and working on so many things at once.
Possibly because I’ve had fewer difficult environs, but I’ve been less mindful to be fully present in the moment. I catch myself imagining and daydreaming instead of looking for and learning to see the real beauty around me.
Mamaw & Papaw’s was as uncomfortable as always. A little more so with my disinterest in Dan who was there. I didn’t even want to give him the satisfaction of giving him any attention by even looking at him when he’s talk with that stupid look on his dumb face. The expectant smile like everything he’s saying is interesting and funny and worthy of laughter and praise. I want to punch his fat greasy face.
Back at Mom’s was great. Gift exchange was fun although I might make some returns which I’m trying to be more comfortable with doing. We actually played games and had fun instead of just watching TV which was nice.
I reluctantly went to a short notice gift exchange at Dan’s house which wasn’t so bad but I could just feel him wanting to try and talk to me about stuff he has never been able to figure out that I didn’t care about, and thinking he can just touch me which I’m not comfortable with. I shook his hand when we left and felt good for kind of standing up for myself in a small way.
Staying at Rach’s is nice. She got real upset about my dad screwing up her gift which is frustratingly predictable.
Looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow, maybe catching up with Nathalie, and seeing how the white elephant goes.