Wouldn’t publish last night or tonight until I completely logged out and in again. More like turdpress, am I right?…

Started to title this as December ’16 still. The first of many.

I was wiped out this morning and during the day I think because getting back to the gym after the couple weeks of holidays my body already lost it’s recovery speed. Amazing how fast that stuff goes. For the second day I used the lacrosse ball to roll out my hips before yoga and it’s amazing how different they feel before and after. Over the course of the day though they go right back to being tight. I’m putting a little faith that daily rolling and yoga paired with making sure to include core work at the gym will strengthen, stretch, and protect me in the right ways over time.

Got distracted by some pseudo productivity of fiddling with getting some of the new apps on my phone better set up for me to use, and finding more apps that might come in handy at some point but I really don’t have any use for them at the moment (hence the pseudo).

Even with my new lists and calendar which make knowing what would be good to accomplish next, it’s still not the easiest to decide and commit to completing the ones I’m not particularly excited about. Looks like it’s time to go another round with facing my resistance to the present and the action that it calls for instead of letting my mind keep itself busy with things that aren’t real, only memories and daydreams.

Chopped up the futon in the basement to get rid of it which was fun and easier than I thought it would be. Besides that I was kind of all over the place today. I kept checking my computer every 5 minutes to see if my photos had finally completed uploading to the cloud.

I did meditate again today after missing a couple weeks over the holidays and it was good. It’s something that is easy to forget how powerful it can be if I only stay engaged and consistent. Part of my difficulty is that with my rickety old man hips and the related back tightness make the suggested sitting posture difficult to concentrate. I know that is something that doesn’t’ have to get in the way and can even become  part of the meditation practice, but it definitely makes it harder to look forward to and not resist.

I ended up laying down for the end of the meditation and that definitely also put me at too much rest to be able to engage with the practice. That’s also when the early afternoon fatigue slump hit and I moved to the bed but didn’t let myself fall asleep. Some internal berating got me back up after a while and I went down for some coffee to wake up and to get out to the gym.

That did get me thinking about my meal planning and using it to build and follow a diet that will help provide me with more stable energy throughout the day instead of the highs and lows that come with not being intentional about what or when I eat. I thought about going grocery shopping today but probably got distracted by what I don’t even remember.

Before I left for the gym, on my way out to the car. I brought out the cushion part of the futon to throw out. I had my black coat, black gloves, and black gym pants, and a dark beanie hat on. While I carried the folded futon cushion slumped over my shoulder I couldn’t help but imagine how much I must have looked like I could have been carrying a body to dump. On the way there was an older neighbor lady who stopped and pointed a flashlight at me for a second. I’m not sure what she was thinking but she didn’t say anything or stick around long. I snuck back in the house the long way so she couldn’t tell where I lived in case she decided to try to report anything.

At the gym a couple times I wondered if I could tell that I felt a little stronger already, but it’s hard to say. I probably am considering that at my lowest I wasn’t active hardly at all for quite a while and was likely weaker than I normally would have been making it easy to get stronger pretty quick. I’m going to say I am getting stronger because it felt good and like a good motivation to keep going.

My laptop photos finally finished uploading after dinner. While checking I also realized how to tag faces that the software couldn’t identify as faces automatically and went through every photo and tagged any and everyone I thought I’d want to look up or use to create smart albums using names. I do have a little bit of obsessive or manic behavior when it comes to completing things like that or going through all the clutter in the basement. It makes me wonder if there is any degree of some kind of bipolar/manic-depressive thing going on without the explosive volatility.

I sent some of the photos of Badgeley to him and got to talking about his thoughts on one of my songs and having him in the studio with me when I record. I’m hoping he is able to join for all of it and help make it the best it can be. It is very strange that I actually feel like an entire album is coming together and its completion is more of a ‘when’ than an ‘if,’ especially after all they years that I messed around with music because I thought it would be cool but I didn’t really have anything to say. This project actually feels like I’m making real art that accurately captures and expresses something very meaningful to me, and that I’m proud of in a way that I’m not sure I’ve ever been before.

I’m going to get in contact with Lepsch’s producer soon to understand what I need to do to be positioned to start working and recording with him as soon as I’m satisfied with the writing.

I’ve gotta get faster at this writing stuff. When I first think on the day I can barely remember anything, but once I get going all kinds of small but noteworthy crap falls out.

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