Got a late start after a mentally exhausting day and staying up past bed time talking with Carly.

I skipped a lot of my morning routine and pretty much just ate and did a little stretching before getting back to wrapping up yesterday’s journal post. It feels really good knowing that after tonight I’ll be completely caught up on my daily journal posting. However, that means I can work on getting caught up on the 1-off blog posts that I haven’t completed to my satisfaction yet.

After messing around with my guitar and starting to get the new filing system labels set up, I got back to the gym after 4 days of missing and got to listen to some of the podcasts I like. A few of them reminded me of things Carly and I have talked about so I shared them with her. She had already texted me a couple times earlier and the huge increase of volume in our communication began making me wonder if we are getting a little too regularly involved with each other too fast. The last thing I would want is for one of us to get hurt again.

When I got home I decided to take another look and check to see if the emails I’d been waiting for had come through. Before I actually got to doing that I decided it was time to really start going to work cleaning up my school emails which had grown to almost ~1,000 unread from the neglect of being away on leave for depression. I deleted about 900 of them tonight so my goal is to get to complete inbox zero within the next couple days.

I also did reach back out to my contact at school and at the nonprofit organization that I have been meaning to stay in contact with which was nice to finally move on my to-do list.

This reminded me about all the files on my computer that were still not synced up with the cloud and in my photo library the way I wanted. Checked they were almost ready so I spent some time fiddling with my contact groups and then was able to get to work sorting and deleting photos and adding them in the albums I wanted. Now it’ll probably take a few days for those updates to save so I can move on.

I listened to some more podcasts and snacked in the kitchen while I cooked myself some salmon. After I ate I was feeling a little sick so I took come vitamins and made myself a cup of sleepy time tea and headed up to finally call and catch up with Joe.

Joe and I had quite a bit to catch up on and we still weren’t able to cover everything. He only had a couple big updates since school keeps him busy, but thankfully he’s feeling comfortable with his workload and routine and he’s been talking with a nice guy for a while now.

I updated him mostly on Carly stuff since there have been so many developments there since we last spoke. Coincidentally, Carly tried to call me on the other line while I was talking to him, but I told her I’d call her later. I also told him a little bit about music coming together which I think he was excited about and wants to hear sometime. He was happy to hear that I was able to handle things and get some closure, but he was also up the same question I had about making sure not to get too close to let either of us get hurt again.

When I called her back, Carly said she just had something quick to tell me. She told me that she wanted to tell me something nice because she knew that I could use it right now. She told me that she loves me and that I’m very important to her. I think this was essentially the same sentiment that I told her when we first got back in touch that she was such a huge and positive and important influence on my life that I would probably always love her. At least I think that she meant the same thing but I asked if she could describe it. She said she didn’t really know. I said I get that it’s complicated and she agreed. I thanked her for telling me and we hung up. I hope we’re not on track for one of us to get hurt like I was worried about. She did seem much happier on the phone to tell me this than she has been lately. Maybe it’s because it felt good to her to help me by telling me good things. I’m just not in a place to read into it so I’m not going to and I’ll have to talk with her about it more later.

Right as we were wrapping up, Kyndrea was calling on the other line. What a great night full of talking with friends. I gave her some of the same updates as Joe about getting back in contact and looking for things to accept and move on from, and feeling good about being able to help her and make amens in a way for how terrible I was at the end. She also encouraged me not to punish and be hard on myself so I told her what I’ve been learning about very long and deep seeded patterns that were hurting myself and those around me. I also got to hear a little about her unfortunate school disappointments and we also discussed general similarities we have when it comes to relationships. She asked about Arie and Cully too so I got an excuse to gush about them and follow-up our call by sending her some videos I have of them.

Now it’s bedtime. Goodnight.

Advertisements