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Anonyst Man

Bold Honesty

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meal planning

Journal: 01/23/17

A pretty eventful day starting with a visit to the psychiatrist who extended my meds with some extra refills. We discussed how much I was feeling better and better but still didn’t quite feel at full speed. I also asked a little about how if I was feeling up to going back to school in March how that transition would work. He seemed to think it would be easy to manage but did recommend that I start looking for a doctor in Evanston now since they would probably be booked up for the next couple months.

On the way home I went to the gym, and after I showered and changed and ate, I started making room in the fridge for this week’s groceries and prepped meals. I found 6 different tubs of butters and margarines that had somehow accumulated from being bought without realizing there was more left I guess.

Before actually doing my grocery shopping, I puttered around, texted a group of friends about getting together on the 18th, and reviewed my meal plan grocery list to sort the items by their respective sections of the store and taking note of what was already in the fridge.

The second time grocery shopping for my meal planning was so much faster knowing what I was looking for, and having revised my list to make it easier to grab things in one clean sweep through the store. Some other notes I made about some adjusted amounts and knowing what I was looking for made it easier to know the correct sizes to look for to avoid wasted and over paying. That combined with the fact that there were a handful of items already at home that I didn’t have to buy brought my total cart for an entire five days’ worth of food (25 meals) to a mere $59 and change.

After unpacking my groceries I’m sure I took some kind of a break to message some people and listen to more podcasts and fiddle with my devices or files or something, but I think I got to cooking around 6ish.

I was a little more familiar with the process of making the same meals a second time, and I do feel like I did a much better job at individual parts like selecting better tupperware sizes, and not overcooking the pasta for the lasagna, and the portions of ingredients and cuts in some of the sides. However, I did have to check the cook temps and times and seasoning mixes for almost everything and I made a couple new mistakes by possibly irreparably burning the seasoning on the sweet potato baking sheet. Maybe half way through I was getting worn out so I grabbed a beer and then had a couple of glasses of wine while I finished cooking, cleaning and listening to music. Having not really eaten that evening I got a little buzzed.

At some point during shopping and cooking I was texting with Tori about random stuff and asked if she wanted any input on our Valentine’s plans. She was difficult about it because she in principle she doesn’t like how prices for things go up for the holiday. I told her we could do something unconventional which would be fun and after some tedious back and fourth she admitted that she’d been wanting to go trampolining for a long time. Of course I had no problem with that and was excited since one of my suggestions was a roller rink, but for some reason she was tentative whether I would be ok with that activity. Weirdo.

Since I’d been cooking and thinking about how I’d like to cook for other people more often too, I told her I’d like to cook something for us as part of the date. She has a bunch of allergies and sensitivities to things and she’s not good at thinking of things to ask for so we had to put that decision off for later. I’m hoping I don’t forget to bring that back up until it’s too  late.

I think by about 11 I had completed all the cooking/prep, portioning, and a lot of the cleaning to feel complete for the night. I plopped down for a while to rest a bit before eating one of the lasagnas I made and heading to bed feeling pretty accomplished and wiped out.

Journal: 01/10/17

After several months of thinking about it, researching it, and inching towards it, having cooked a whole week’s worth of food the day before, I finally had my first day on my meal plan schedule. Five meals a day feels like constantly stopping to eat, especially if I didn’t wake up on time and then had to condense time between meals.

While I was getting ready for the day I was still feeling good from the night before and got a text from Carly thanking me and letting me know that I was helpful to her when she called upset.

The drying pots and pans in the kitchen bothered me while I was getting breakfast ready and I decided to put them away and while I was at it kept finding other stuff in the kitchen that didn’t need to be there but could be taken to a garbage or moved to a better place out of the way. Then I did some surface cleaning of the stove and swept the floor.

The kitchen reminded me that I had been meaning to straighten up the bedroom too. I went through almost all my stuff, putting things in better places, sorting and organizing things together to file away or finish some work on. I felt like I had so much more room to breathe after. I know I’ve seen other examples of when people are trying to get their life together, an early stage is often cleaning and getting the environment positive in a clean and clear condition. I’m hoping that my cleaning compulsions are a reflection of some kind of inner clarity too.

Early in the day I got to chatting with Nathalie about maybe heading out to see her and Lepsch while he was visiting out there, a minor topic of my 4-hour conversation with Carly the Friday before. I was looking forward to the idea of being in a warm place with friends and since my last two conversations with Carly, I was feeling more open to the idea of meeting girls again out there and maybe getting close to them.

At some point the mom was complaining about not being able to do type to text so I ended up playing with Siri and exploring her capabilities along with using her while connected to the Echo. There’s a lot that I can get out of it I think if I keep challenging myself to try to do things with Siri first.

When the mom got home she wanted to know about how I was sending her texts using Siri so I got her all set up from scratch since she didn’t even have Siri enabled. Then I showed her about every single basic app and function that her phone can do. She gets so flustered and I can see how I get my own desire to get frustrated with myself if I’m not about to do something right away.

I was having technical difficulties for the third day in a row, but at night I was able to get almost all of my journaling caught up and in some kind of draft. It was a late night though. While I was at it, I shared with Carly and Nathalie my idea to visit a nude beach if it was warm enough when I went to visit. I’m sure they thought it was out there, but I do see the way that it could help me learn to be more comfortable with myself in my own skin so to speak.

Journal: 01/09/17

I cooked all day. ALL. DAY. First thing in the morning I made some muffin tin eggs.

Then after a moderate break, I went ahead and cooked 4 other meals, each with 5 servings to last the whole week. 5 meals a day for 5 days.

It was fun and rewarding, and I was proud of what I had accomplished by the and but gee whiz was I tired. I finished cooking and cleaning around 7pm maybe. Just in time to wind down a bit, eat one of the dinners I made since I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, then start heading for an early bedtime.

However, when I was getting in bed Lepsch called and I gave him an update on some of the things that happened over the weekend with Carly’s call on Friday and visiting in Columbus. He shared his thoughts on how she had been doing from his handful of conversations with her.

Then Carly called on the other line. Since it was unexpected I wasn’t sure if it meant something bad had happened. She was upset. It turned out her ex after me had done something which let her know that he was seeing someone else. She said she felt insignificant and that she meant nothing to him. I told her how many people she did mean something to including me, and how many people who thought her blog was worth listening to and sharing. After that she was feeling stupid for moving out to Cali for him at all, which is understandable. When she said he shouldn’t have asked her to go out there to be with him I had to agree whole heartedly that he should have know she wasn’t in a place to be making big and drastic decisions like that for some one else. I also tried to tell her not to be so hard on herself for making a mistake during a challenging time like that.

She described some things about him which made me ask if he was even much of a decent guy at all, and it seems like he wasn’t really. I told her it didn’t seem like he deserved to be cried over and she asked me how I was able to talk to her, especially when she needed my support to get over him, without taking it as a reflection on myself. I think the two thing I said was that 1) I know at the end I wasn’t being myself and didn’t deserve her and that she’ll always be important to me, and 2) that getting to help her any way I can helps me to feel like I’m no longer being the person I was with her at the end who didn’t or couldn’t make her enough of a priority.

Then I called Lepsch back again and told him what happened. He didn’t seem surprised at all and said he had picked up on some stuff from their conversations.

I’m not sure exactly what it was about the interaction it was, if it was that I got to be there for her, if it’s because it had very little to do with me, if it was getting to hear that New Guy isn’t that great of a person after all, or if it was some kind of relief to know she’s also struggling like me even if it’s not directly about me. Whatever it was, something helped me go to bed easier without dwelling on or worrying about our conversation like I had with past ones which was a pretty huge relief.

 

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